In the mind of a former patriarchist

I never comprehended until my early 30’s, that women were not only emotional beings but also had their own form of logic. By keeping company with strong and courageous women, I came to believe that a free human being has no gender.

This realization filled me with a new found respect and a penchant to collaborate with the female sex. I still had the need for recognition though – to prove my masculinity and at every chance I got, brag about my sexual performance and charm towards the “inferior” sex. Like this, I felt “superior”.

As a child I observed my father behaving with lack of admiration and love towards my mother and made an unconscious decision that every woman deserved to be treated in that way. As an adult I acted out this subconscious theatre which I had followed since childhood.

After the age of 30, I learned that my own father had been physically abused by both of his parents – and that HE had acted out that same subconscious pattern that he had observed repeatedly in his own household.

A person projects his own suppressed intense feelings every time he practices violence or any form of power on any boy or girl. Unsurprisingly, this behaviour suppresses the nature of the child. If a child has been intimidated by a male (the father), she/he will suppress their masculine side. If a child is intimidated by a female (the mother), she/he will suppress their feminine side.

The cellular memory of the intimidation stays present even when the intimidator is absent. The imprint this memory leaves on the child is the formation of an “inner tyrant” (a sub personality made up of her/his care-takers’ criticism – the negative voice of her/his parents- and the decisions she/he would have made about themselves based on this criticism, becomes their inner voice). This “inner tyrant” will continue to intimidate her/him and even project itself from within them in unconscious moments, intimidating or frightening other people.

The truth is that the mother is the first woman that an infant meets upon birth. The way in which a mother (woman) behaves towards her child, regardless of the sex of the child, will set the relationship dynamics between that child’s own masculine and feminine side. The same is true for the father, who is the first male that the child encounters in her/his life.

It is impossible to abolish patriarchy if we don’t understand it. If we don’t see it as a defence mechanism which has become obsolete, because now we can choose love instead of fear. Every time an “intimidator” appears, we are no longer obliged to feel suppressed or react. The intimidator needs understanding and sympathy, not consent and mimicking. We can understand them without identifying with them.

Patriarchy will become obsolete when man understands that every time he exercises violence, control and power, he suppresses his own feminine side.

The inner tyrant in the mind of a man knows that if both sides (masculine-feminine) cooperate, the ego (inner tyrant) will no longer be needed and will cease to exist. And when our inner tyrant ceases to exist, the inner enlivener will reign – which means the advent of our divinity.

The question we can ask ourselves now is: How long will it take to persuade modern man that if he continues to suppress his vulnerable female side and empower his masculine side, this patriarchal model will, in the end, destroy him and all of humanity…?

With Love,

Sifis A.K. Pagkalinis

Breathing Guide

Intimacy Coach


RBT Trainer


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